It's been a long lockdown. For many MPs it's difficult to tell whether their thirst was greater for a drink at the local pub or the adoration of small businesses in their constituency. If they were delivered ice cold and photographed for social media or the local paper so much the better.
Jacob Rees-Mogg was unable to down a yard of ale because the pub was booked up so settled for a half at the Ring O'Bells. Others took the super responsible, 'here's a pic of my pub lunch' approach. CSI Starmmer cradled a cheeky can of BrewDog's Barnard Castle Eye Test.
Others were less dignified. One can only assume that Liz Truss had one too many peach Bellini's at the Red Lion in Thetford when she found herself scaling a fence at the local Zoo and taking pictures with a camel.
Theresa May, popped by the Crown in Maidenhead to consume a whole bucket of ice, fuel for her cold hard stare every time she thinks Gove is chatting nonsense about the National Security Adviser.
Meanwhile Nigel Farage tweeted that he was first in line for the Queen's Head. Local media reported that pint-eager Nige queued overnight like Harry Potter fans not put off by Rowling's latest work, 'Harry Potter and the gender identity of doom'.
To prove he has what it takes to lead the Liberal Democrats, Ed Davey has written to the Home Secretary telling on Nigel for possibly breaking quarantine. In response, Mr Farage has politely told Mr Davey to go back to where he came from before yelling Make America Great Again and falling off his bar stool. Commentators also believe that Nigel Farage has acquired super powers allowing him to simultaneously appear in multiple pubs around the country while staying at home and appearing at a Trump rally in Tulsa.
Stanley Johnson had a similar idea, ordering an Ouzo at his local bar. He managed to get to Greece a week before his son's government advised that non-essential travel was ok again. Breaking Foreign Office guidance is not illegal so a fine is out of the question but perhaps he could consider resigning as the Prime Minister's father instead.
Back in England, turnout at the pubs was lower than expected as some MPs were doubtful of the wisdom of government guidelines. Presumably Caroline Lucas has her own stash of nettle beer and Diane Abbott a well-stocked gin cupboard. If only she could remember how many bottles there were.
What should we drink to? Ssscchhh Scchhtttaaayyyiiinnn Alerrrrrrrrrrrrrrt and Shaving Lives?
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