For defence and military correspondents, last week saw a welcome break from a year of health news: the launch of the Government’s Integrated Review of Security, Defence, Development and Foreign Policy. ‘What the General Montgomery is that?’ I hear you ask. Well, very much a Ronseal type of exercise. It’s a big arse review, covering (you guessed it) security, defence, international development and foreign policy. In fact it sets the UK’s vision for its place in the world leading up to 2030.
In the Integrated Review is all the stuff you’d expect modern General George Parrs to raise: scary Russia, jobs in cyber and decisions on shiny new military hardware. The Government’s commitment to defend British interests in space shines forth from the front cover with a photo credited to Tim Peake. Give the communications staffer who thought of that a raise!
Renewed naval power is also a big part of the UK’s defence capabilities discussed in the review. The aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, is to be sent from the Mediterranean to the Indian and Pacific Oceans. The ability to pressure China with a battleship named after the Queen is almost certainly peak Boris. This government would weaponise stamps and 10p coins if it could.
Headlines were grabbed by some of the more controversial aspects of the review. Chief among them is the decision to increase the number of nuclear weapons stockpiled despite previous government reviews seeking to reduce the UK’s arsenal. The Royal Family has leapt to defend the government, saying that the nukes are needed as a proportional response to any communist prince stealers in California threatening to give more interviews!
In conventional forces news, defence was clearly the motivation behind reports of plans to cut troop numbers in England: specifically defence of Scottish votes for the Tories in the upcoming local elections. Cutting troop numbers in Scotland is as effective at driving votes to the SNP as sending Boris on a tour of the Highlands just before polling day.
It wasn’t all new defence kit and yelling huzzah as Britain sails back to the Indian ocean. There was plenty on British values, open societies, defending democracy and combating the crisis that is climate change. No mention though of the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill which stalks these values undercover and then pops up to detain them for ten years. The Bill does contain some worthy provisions like increased sentences for assaulting emergency workers. But critics point to ten year prison sentences for toppling statues (eight more years than a minor assault on a paramedic) and powers giving police the ability to arrest you for protesting too loudly or in a way that makes you a nuisance. A curious assault on civil liberties for a party that once saw its shadow Home Secretary resign when Labour tried to curtail freedoms as par of the war on terror. Even Remainiac Dominic Grieve and Arch-Brexiteer Steve Baker have teamed up to criticise the Bill on ConservativeHome. Blogs like this from Tory backbenchers are clearly a nuisance to the government so you know Grieve and Baker want to watch themselves… that sort of thing will be illegal soon.
Another area of the Integrated Review is investment in science. The launch coincides with an evidence session by Sauron’s communications goblin and defender of the right to eye tests, Dominic Cummings. He was there to discuss a new government research funding platform he is heading. Other than defending ‘extreme freedom’ to do whatever he wants (surprisingly not outlawed in the policing bill) he also managed to blame the department of health for the government’s poor covid-19 response. So not then Prime Minister, Dominic Cummings’ fault then? Don’t worry everyone’s favourite people-person will be back in front of parliament in May to elaborate on these feelings so don’t fret if you missed him this time round.
All in all a fully Integrated week for this government: defending statues, destroying civil liberties, developing nukes and even the unpopular respawning of Dominic Cummings. If only Foreign Secretary Raab popped up to rile an American Congressman i’d have ‘Bingo’. Hang on a minute… he was discussing the Northern Ireland Protocol with a Representative from Philadelphia? BING...
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