CorvidSketch Episode III: Spare a thought for the good folk at the Oxford English Dictionary

 

While you obsessively follow the news for updates in the ongoing saga of Boris Johnson's kidnap by the scientists, spare a thought for the good folk at the Oxford English Dictionary. Though little covered, they have been un-furloughed and categorised as key workers in order to keep up with the rapidly expanding vocabulary used in the new corona-age. Here is a draft of new words and phrases they are believed to be working on.

Isolation Beard - A form of facial hair owned by a man who has reverted to his natural state away from the social judgement of his lover(s), employer and the public at large. Often warn by a man who has forgotten he has to be on a webcam in 6 minutes with the firm's global manager.

Zoom Drinks - a phenomenon involving the consumption of alcohol and witty banter over video conference, observed at around 5pm most fridays but also sometimes at weekends and the odd sneaky 2pm Tuesday. According to commentators it is either a sign that covid-19 will have very little impact on social norms or that British ingenuity conquers all challenges. Synonyms include: Skype Pints, Video Vino, Barrel aged single malt highland WhatsApp.

Grocery rage - state of anger felt by someone in a supermarket and caused by social distancing measures or unrealistic expectations of global supply chains in a pandemic.

For example:

'"How can they have no Italian capers at a time like this!" that was the fourth bout of grocery rage over capers that week.' and '"What the bloody hell do you mean you've got no more toilet roll?" , "Now sir, calm down, i think you've got a case of the grocery rage" said the patient shop assistant to the coughing man with his trolley full of toilet roll.'

Covexit - oh f*ck off... really?.. Dorian did you add this in? No one's using this phrase yet.

Ok fine, Covexit - the process of exiting this mess and heading into the next one.

No? I'm not 'taking this seriously'. Well what about this: Covexit - moment where Britain proves it is the greatest nation on earth having gained its independence from corona virus. HAPPY DORIAN? Seriously you working from home is a f*cking blessing...

Could be worse.... spare a thought for the good folk at the urban dictionary....