CorvidSketch Episode II: The Government Works from Home

 CorvidSketch Episode II: The Government Works from Home

With the government coming to the realisation that it was going to have to work from home too, the Prime Minister reassured his loyal officials that 'they were ready for anything'. Things got worse on day one when the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport's servers crashed and their efforts to lead the government's online strategy collapsed. The Ministry of Defence helpfully leapt to the rescue with a brisk salute and dusted off a plan to upgrade the entirety of Whitehall from Windows 98. Meanwhile, under lock down, Boris was struggling to keep up with his usual shenanigans. He had been stopped by the police twice coming back from visiting a saucy socialite in Kensington. Luckily he'd had the brilliant idea of pretending he was the Prime Minister on important government business, which after a round of laughter from all present had finally convinced the nice officers. It was a close shave though and he realised he should probably slow down on visits to mistress number 5, or was it 6?

Meanwhile Dom was brooding at home in the attic. He wasn't sure what all the fuss was about. What did the World Health Organisation know? 'Bloody establishment', thought the Prime Minister's Senior Adviser. Perched on a bar stool he gazed out on London from behind the long musty curtains in front of him. Were they purple or grey? Difficult to tell with just the light of his mac and an old lamp at the back of the room. He pulled the coat he was using as a dressing gown closer round him. A very useful find, who cared if he'd stolen it from a pile of sleeping bags in an underpass? And now people were moaning about supply lines, food stocks and panic buying. Surviving on his usual nutritious diet of moths and meta data, Dom was going to be just fine. Classic Dom.

The Ministers and officials themselves were having mixed success working from home. Foreign Office Minister, James Cleverly spent the first three hours in a twitter spat with Owen Jones and then rewarded himself by spending the next hour making himself an extra large club sandwich. In Warwickshire, normally-reasonably competent civil servant, Brendan Chase, plunged the entire county into darkness when he confused his 12 year old daughter's homework with emergency power supply contingency plans. And what of Jeremy? You know, Jeremy Corbyn? Remember him? He was just heading out to his allotment to check on his seedlings (Vladamir Lettuce and Fidel Tomato) when he found two suited men with dark glasses and long coats outside waiting for him. He quickly turned back inside. 'Phew, that was close,' he thought... 'I was almost Prime Minister'.....